I was taught about the Romans, Tudors and Victorians in school, limiting my understanding to these types of events. I was taught that there once existed Dinosaurs and that man once lived in caves, trained to believe that these were some of the most significant pieces of Earth history. But I wasn’t taught to wonder about advanced ancient civilisations, other life in the cosmos or the human spirit. It was like I had to believe that I was insignificant and my existence was without any particular meaning, just existing like the Romans, Tudors and Victorians, leading to extinction like the Dinosaurs.
I used to go into supermarkets and pick up anything off the shelves, filling my body with junk with the intent to only stimulate my senses, not even bothering to look at the ingredients on the back of the packaging. Nourishing my body was of no agenda, because I was taught that being healthy meant that you were a ‘do gooder’ or ‘taking life too seriously’, even though food is your heart and health is your life.
I used to watch advertisements that claimed that a certain product would perform a certain miracle. I’d venture out to the shops and buy the shampoo that was being advertised, thinking that it would make me a better person, believing that it would perform a miracle like it was claimed on the advert. Not observing that the people on the adverts were just actors and bad liars.
I used to watch the news and believe every word that the reporter was saying. Even though they were just reading off an auto queue, I trusted their serious, fearful mannerisms. I didn’t think to question what it was that they weren’t telling me, or why everything that I was being told was only negative in nature. I was so full of fear, the agenda had been fulfilled.
I used to watch reality TV and believe that talk of fashion and relationships was the only acceptable way to be. I thought I had to be that way, conforming to these expectations. It didn’t occur to me that these weren’t good role models for me and that it made me feel insecure, and the people on these shows were conforming to expectations and that they were insecure.
I used to think that the external world was reality in itself, the journey within didn’t exist to me and if anyone discussed the journey within it would travel right past me…
Even though I grew up believing these things, there was still innate knowledge within me, just waiting for the right moments to surface. As soon as I woke up those few years ago, I was a baby again, starting from the beginning.