Even though I felt underestimated, unacknowledged and judged, I still managed to keep pushing. Even though I felt like I had failed, disappointed and unsuceeded, I still managed to keep pushing. Even though I repeated the same mistakes over and over again, I still managed to keep pushing until I finally learnt the lesson. Even though I ignored my intuitive feelings and ended up in bad situations, I still managed to keep pushing. Even though I had bad days and hard times, I still managed to keep pushing.
I kept pushing because I gained appreciation for the wisdom I was gaining. I kept pushing because I realised that I should trust in life. I kept pushing because I understood that the journey of being human requires mistakes and setbacks in order to learn. I kept pushing because the more I pushed, the more strength I gained and the less I started to care if people underestimated me, unacknowledged me or judged me. I kept pushing because I believed in me, so it didn’t matter if other people didn’t. I kept pushing because I was grateful for the fact that I made it through, still breathing, still alive, still here.
This word is spoken of so often in all of the spiritual teachings. 'The guide to enlightenment'. 'The path to enlightenment'. 'The steps to enlightenment'. But what really is enlightenment and is it attainable?
The word enlightenment almost feels like a permanent state of being at total peace and wonder with all that is. A state of completeness. A holy altered state. But enlightenment is a subjective and paradoxical experience just like everything else. What one person may consider enlightenment to be may be different for someone else. And yet the paradox is that it is the same state of ‘upliftment’ for everyone, just like happiness.
It has been theorised that once our human needs are fulfilled we can then reach a state of self-actualisation, which is a state of feeling at one with all that is, connected to the self, a complete connection with existence. I feel like you can only experience what it is to be enlightened if you are engaged with your inner world as opposed to only engaging in the external world. I believe that enlightenment really just means awareness. Awareness to your purpose as a human being and actually being connected to reality in the way that nature is. To be enlightened means you have to scrap all that you think you know and start all over again. Drop all the teachings, drop all the theories, drop all the doctrines and learn through your own experience and create your own meaning of life.
Based on how the world is, how there are many people living in poverty, unable to drink clean water and eat decent food means that enlightenment in the way spiritual teachings claim can be considered to be blissfully ignorant. Because a lot of people on this planet are unable to have their human needs fulfilled, not out of choice but out of the fact that that’s the unfortunate life that they were born into. It doesn’t mean that people living in poverty aren’t capable of attaining enlightenment however, as we are all human beings with the same spiritual privileges, but when you are struggling to survive everyday, how can you possibly be focused on attaining peace and wonder with all that is.
Am I enlightened?
I feel like I could only class myself as enlightened if peace was actually restored on this planet and there was no longer any form of suffering. I do indeed have enlightening moments and I am engaged with my inner world, but I know that other people’s suffering is also my suffering because we are part of the same human race. I also don’t believe that anything is permanent as our perspectives change as we move with the flow of time. I may think that I am enlightened and then in 5 years I look back and realise that I actually knew nothing!
Enlightenment is a subjective and paradoxical experience just like everything else.
"I have read my books by many lights, hoarding their beauty, their wit or wisdom against the dark days when I would have no book, nor a place to read. I have known hunger of the belly kind many times over but I have known a worse hunger; the need to know and to learn.”- Louis L’Amour
The other night I had a dream that stated that I had hidden sketching talents that I need to bring out and if I start practicing everyday they will really surface. So I found a sketch pad that I was bought a few years ago and put a pencil to paper, this is what I created from my imagination…
This is a piece of advice I received recently…
"Keep putting those walls up and around one because they help you form a deep connection with yourself!"
It’s important in life to honour who you are as a human being and take some time to really get to know yourself. No matter what your circumstances are; married, single, polygamist, full time worker, unemployed (and absolutely anything else), getting to know who you are and forming a deep connection with yourself is the greatest gift you can give to yourself.
The reality of life is, we are born alone and we die alone and we have lots of things to learn in between those cycles. Although having real connections is a very beautiful thing, we still have to learn to be whole and happy with who we are (and if we create a new paradigm, we can have both!). We can’t solely rely on people to give us love, attention and nurture and forget about ourselves in the process. When you honour who you are, you feel strong within yourself and can go with the flow of life more easily. You realise that no matter how much people hurt you or betray you…no one can ever take away the precious connection you have with yourself.
Look after yourself. Be your own best friend. And honour all that you are!
Moving swiftly with the winds of change and meeting different faces in different places has helped me develop a significant realisation. I’ve realised that wherever you go, people will always see themselves as being separate from everyone else. People will always deny the connection they share with every other human being. And if you go even deeper, people are always struggling emotionally.
Even though we all share this world together, we all seem like strangers to each other. But the truth is, no matter how separate we may seem, no matter how much hostility is in the air, no matter how much resistance we hold, we are the ones that are on this planet and not on one of the other millions of habitable planets in just our galaxy alone. That’s the connection we share with each other. And for now, all we have is each other!
It’s very obvious that all humans want love and that all of our actions are a way of showing that need. It’s just a shame that humans are capable of loving and choose to hate instead. It’s a shame that most of us know very few that we can trust and that there is so much shame on regards to speaking about those deep inner feelings.
We may seem like strangers to each other but nothing will ever change that we are very much a part of each other!
As I took a few moments to look at the workings of a bee, I realised that there is a profound intelligence behind nature that can only be understood through intricate observation. As the bee flew along to fulfil its pollination duty, I noticed that it had zero urge to suddenly wander off and change its destiny. The bee was programmed to fulfil that specific duty because without that specific duty the web of life would lose its balance.
The bee to us, seems small and insignificant, unable to form intelligent thought processes and without creative consciousness…but there is clearly a source that is connected to the bee, that is connected to the trees, that is connected to us and that is connected to all that is; life.
Humans have a profound purpose that they are also meant to fulfil but unlike the bee, they are starting to forget. Through observing nature in an intricate way and feeling its energy, I know that the purpose of the human is more meaningful and wonderful than we could ever know!
The eyes that are ready to see, will see.
I was at a school and there were a bunch of girls lining up outside the hall preparing to play in a football match. I asked them if I could play with them but I hadn’t played football since I was 12 years old. I could tell that they underestimated me as they had apparently been training for months. As soon as we started playing football I managed to have full control of the ball and I scored a goal which resulted in me winning the match and everyone watching was cheering! The girls that I was playing football with then walked off and didn’t want to speak to me as they didn’t like that playing football was ‘effortless’ to me as I hadn’t played in 10 years. I didn’t view it as a competition, I just wanted to have fun and I felt rejected…
The interpretation… (I got someone else to interpret this dream for me, someone that doesn’t know me…)
This is a lesson for you to maybe not hide your talents for fear of rejection. You know how to move through life and achieve what you want without effort or struggle. It is likely that you worked hard in your past to achieve this skill. You know how to stay out of your own way, trust your talents and go with the flow. For others they have to continually work hard and still don’t necessarily get it because they lack trust and allowing and so they get competitive and turn into poor sports about things. This said, you need not dim your light so as not to make others feel inferior. Just be you and if you come across anyone who has an issue with your success then they maybe weren’t your friends in the first place. A friend will be happy with your success regardless if it came to you with little effort. In general, life is supposed to be easy, we are the ones that make it hard. So just be you and allow yourself to succeed and in that regard you will guide others how to succeed by following your lead so long as you don’t hide for fear of rejection. Shine your light my friend!
I chose to find contentment, to transform, to grow, to change. I decided that I wanted to live intuitively, experience creatively, use my senses organically. No one made me. No one forced me. I took the initiative do it myself, for myself. All it took was a choice to move dimensionally. I was sick of living toxically, habitually, negatively, destructively. I was sick of the lack of meaning that was being presented to me. I realised that I had to find meaning myself. I didn’t want to continue letting my childhood define me and my mistakes ruin me. I didn’t want to keep letting people hurt me and decide for me.
All it took was a choice. The choice to stop caring what people thought of me and to take the leap. To transcend, elevate and evolve.
The door has now been opened. Do you want to take the leap?
No matter what you do in life, people are always going to make petty judgements. People will always find little errors and imply that what you are doing is lame. Whether it’s how you dress, how you talk, how you walk, where you work, what you study, what you eat, what activities you do or don’t partake in, how you think, where you live, how intelligent you do or don’t appear to be, how weird you are… and so forth. Sometimes people will try and humiliate you and sometimes your so called lameness will be the subject of other people’s conversations.
BUT, just because someone implies that what you are doing is lame doesn’t mean it is true. It is just their opinion. So be a warrior, dress how you want, say what you feel, do what you love and don’t let anyone’s judgements ever stop you!
Be proud, be ‘lame’ and be whoever you want to be…
As I approached the door, I noticed that it illuminated a soft glow, a glow that made me feel so much peace and acceptance. The glow drew me in from afar, through a series of synchronistic events, presenting themselves through feelings and numbers. The events led me here and the pain and despair were catalysts for this precise moment. As I approached this door, I knew that I would have to leave so much behind, things that I thought were right for me, all the people that I was there for at their times of darkness but at my times of darkness they were nowhere to be seen, only to realise that these things were embellished in complete deception and idealism.
To find this moment meant that I had to face my past and all the things that made me feel like I wasn’t worthy enough. All the emotions that had conjured up inside a sealed box at the back of my mind. All the painful memories that haunted me as I closed my eyes at night. Everything that had clouded my identity with a shield of fear…
I put my hand on the golden handle, took a deep breathe in and opened the door. As I walked in, a ray of fine-sensitive love surrounded my whole body and I felt so much freedom which was a clear indication that I was on the right track. In front of me was a mirror that was surrounded in a luminous energy, I looked in it only to realise that I am 5 years old again but I am also still me, it’s just that life has given me another chance. Life has given me another opportunity to live life as the real me. A life of wisdom, love, truth and the strength to walk away if I need to.
I look behind me and I see the dark clouds fade away with the memories that I chose to leave behind and the door locks itself. I continue to walk..